Is There Such a Thing as a "Good Divorce"?
Is There Such a Thing as a "Good Divorce"?06 March 2019 Written by James & George Collie

Empathy, understanding and respect are not words one would normally associate with the process of divorce. Yet these are exactly the concepts upon which a number of collaborative lawyers focus when advising separating clients. 

 

Collaborative Law is a relatively modern concept designed to find solutions for separating couples without increasing hostility and bitterness.

 

The fundamental aim is to minimise the impact of separation on children.  Psychological studies, carried out in relation to children in separation, suggests that it is not the separation itself which damages children but the way in which it is handled.

 

People are hugely fearful of the legal aspects of separation.  One only has to look at the widely reported Heather Mills and Paul McCartney situation to see how bad it can become.  For most people the finances are on a rather different scale although the tensions and anguish can be just as acute.  When people behave irresponsibly following separation their behaviour is usually driven by fear because they feel defensive and exposed.  It is precisely to remove that fear and to enable people to have control over the separation discussions that Collaborative Law has come about.

 

How does Collaborative Law Operate in Practice?

 

The process provides a supported forum in which difficult issues can be discussed.  The lawyers for both parties provide reassurance and support.  The practice of Collaborative Law is that no-one is forced into making a decision that they don’t feel able to fully accept.  If a client is at a low point emotionally this needs to be identified and dealt with so that decisions only come from a client who feels emotionally intact.  That is not to say that the collaborative process is easy.  It is an extremely intense experience which typically takes place over a period of months.  All of the negotiations take place “around the table”.

 

How Long Can it Take?

 

Most collaborative processes are concluded within 4-5 months but this will very much depend upon the issues which have to be addressed and the availability of the parties to attend “four way” meetings.  It should however be borne in mind that this is in stark contrast to the conventional negotiation process which can be very lengthy and may even take years if a court is involved to rule on difficult issues.

 

Collaborative Law isn’t the correct solution for everyone but it can work for people who are prepared to be realistic, respectful and above all compromise in order to get matters resolved.  It is essential that a separating couple be prepared to listen to each other.  They must accept that they each have different points of view and be prepared to compromise where a decision must be reached.  The Collaborative Lawyers job is to help the couple understand the options available to them and the legal implications.  Finding a solution to fit the realities of couples lives is fundamental to the process.

 

When a couple first consult a lawyer a number of very important issues are usually at the forefront of their minds.  They may wonder how they are going to manage the situation with their children.  They may feel that they will be unable to cope financially after separation and indeed may be unable to keep their home.  They wonder if they will ever be able to restart their lives.  Often financial problems may appear intractable but where there is willingness and persistence a solution can usually be found.

 

Collaborative Law enables a team approach to resolving the problems which separation poses.  It is quite amazing how often during the collaborative process a couple strive to be helpful and understanding with each other.  This is in stark contrast to the traditional approach which puts them very much at a distance and in opposition.  There are now more than two dozen lawyers in the north-east of Scotland practising Collaborative Law.  They are all hugely experienced in  the field of Family Law and all are extremely positive about the process as a means of minimising stress between separating couples.  For lawyers it is hugely rewarding to be able to offer an approach which works well for both clients and helps them preserve goodwill for the future.  Further information on Collaborative Law can be found on the website www.scottishcollaborativelawyers.com Alternatively contact us for an informal chat, or if you prefer, to arrange an initial meeting at either our Stonehaven or Aberdeen Offices.

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